This morning and last night I found myself brushing fiercely against my poor innocent teeth. Minutes may have passed before I realized what I was doing. I thought I was brushing all along you know...brushing brushing..... but somehow what I was actually doing was scrubbing, scratching? like a mad woman.
I wondered what would make me do such things.
And, well, I concluded it was probably a mixture of life's daily frustrations, perhaps minor and major decisions I have made and continue to make, but most of all I think it's this book.
Yesterday I was emailed my first layout of book for approval, and I delayed (and I mean delayed) the inevitable of having to look it through page by page, line by line, letter by letter. Why?
Easy. I am nervous. I am nervous, and I am bit more nervous. I want to make sure it looks just right and my idea "the idea" I had from long ago isn't lost at all. Does Annabelle wear the right clothes?
What exact words should I write on the dedication page? Is that face there the right face?
And, really who do you turn to? Who do you ask for an opinion when all the words and pictures were formed by you and you alone. No one else can approve or negate what you alone had in mind. So, you insanely then rely on yourself.
But, what if you got it all wrong? Worst yet- what if no one gets what you were trying to say in the first place? What if others think it silly and just plain ridiculous?
ugghh... I can torture myself to no end really.
You see then... why my poor teeth somehow pay the price for all my uneasiness, all my insecurities and all of my self-doubt.
I suppose I just have to go with my gut and hope my gut gives my teeth a break. So, on this note I'm off to ice my teeth... nah, just kidding... they have survived these last attacks. ;)
Until tomorrow then.
Much love-
Jenny
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