Over Dinner

My last post had everything to do with AGE...my age.

I mentioned before how I have been questioning how time can possibly seem to fly by so very quickly when I still feel like I am in my prime ready to conquer the world.
Seriously, I feel this way.

Something about my age and my innate desire to still conquer the realm of creative goals I would like to achieve triggered this thought...better yet- this fear.

So... I proposed this question over dinner (a lovely and lively dinner actually) to a table consisting of my husband, my close friend and her boyfriend of many years who, of course, now I consider my friend as well. I chose to propose this question to them knowing that all three would be (even to the my disappointment) succinctly honest.

After a pause and appropriate toast to my first photography sales event, to my friend's soon-to-be-open (new) Hoboken restaurant, and to my dear friend's birthday, I asked the question.

"Is it too late for me to be attempting this new venture at my age? You know, for me to sincerely wish to sell these photographs, these books and hope for true success?"
I held my breath. I remember looking at each in the face (seemed like forever) carefully observing facial expressions when to my relief one answered.

What was the answer??????

"No, Jenny. It is not too late. I opened my (dream) business at the same age..." and from here I cannot exactly quote cause I was sincerely too happy processing the NO,
but I can fill in the blanks here.

The person who responded was the same person who found success in opening his dream business and now is working on his second project-the new Hoboken restaurant.

Needless to say, his honest answer was the one I needed to hear. I sorta knew this, but you know how fear is... it always seem to be trying to take over.

And that was my "Over Dinner" climactic moment.
Nothing has changed- my plan is to continue with my baby Annabelle and, in the process, share my photography in various forms... many various forms...even in a book form actually. Yes, book form.

Happy Me then-
Jenny
x

Twenty-Nineteen going on plain & grateful Forty

I am going to make this one short and sweet. So short that it could have been a status update.

See, all I want to share is a sweet epiphany (definition exactly as..."a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.")

I had this "intuitive perception" yesterday morning, the day of my dear best friend's birthday. Yesterday, she turned 39 or as I like to call it "twenty-nineteen". We have been as of late wondering how we have suddenly become so close to 40 and how we are getting so old, yada yada yada... Hence, the desire to call it twenty-nineteen and NOT 39.

Well, as I am sending her the early morning birthday text and reminiscing about our late  conversations, an unexpected emotion or thought fill my mind and heart.

All of a sudden I felt sheer joy with the simple fact that I have lived so long... 38 years going on 39. All of a sudden I felt sheer and sincere gratitude for being blessed to have lived already so long on this earth.

It dawned on me just how lucky I am to be so old...and I realized I have been a fool complaining about getting older and such.

It was as simple as this. I am 38 going on 39 this year and next year I will be going from Twenty-Nineteen to Forty...and in this lifetime I have already experienced so much...laughter, pain, happiness, regret, pride, pure love, awe, gratitude and more.

Lucky, lucky me to have realized this so suddenly, so sincerely and so unforgettably.  Sweet epiphany it was. One sudden "intuitive perception" I will always keep close. Thank you, dear sweet ones, for opening my eyes, heart and soul.

Signed-
One very plain and grateful older person ;)
Jenny

Inside my Heart

Don't you wish sometimes people could see inside your heart? Your mind say....?
I do. I do wish some people could see deep inside. They would know so much more.

They would know
how deeply sorry I am
how my intentions are sincere
how much regret I carry
how hard I am on myself
how much I fear being punished in the worst way
how I work very hard to be the person I should have been and want to be every single day
how I wish I could turn back time
how I wish I could have been that little girl who grew up with amazing role models
how I wish I could have known back then what I know now
how much sincere joy, happiness and health I wish many, especially those I have hurt and disappointed
how foolish I was and how I recognize this every single second
how my words actually mean what they say
how sometimes I wish I could let go of the memories and regrets but can't and probably never will
how I am a good person... I am.
how those who know me now may say...  I have a good heart.
how I am a person worth forgiving now
how deeply sorry I am
how deeply sorry I am
how deeply sorry I am.

I am not that person any more. I have never been that person. I was just a person who knew the difference between right and wrong and unfortunately and pathetically chose the wrong again and again.

I wish with my whole heart that sometimes people could see deep inside of me... then they would know.

jr
2013

Lucky 2013

One thing some may not know about me is that I tend to favor odd years. 2011 was a good one 2012 ..eh.
Odd to favor odd years, I know.

Somehow this does not even make sense to me since Annabelle's Love was published in 2010, and I rekindled with someone vital in 2010, but, nonetheless, I was eager to greet 2013 and felt no sadness for the loss of 2012.

Seemed appropriate then to start off my Lucky 2013 year with some realistic plans or goals  I can actually keep therefore I decided to update the world (and by world I mean the few who read these blogs;) with what I have been up to these days.

I have been lucky to have recently participated in some special events in which I was able to share Annabelle's Love with the public. These last few events have simply put ....inspired me. Inspired me to keep at this. I love this. I love writing. I love taking pictures. I love creating cards with my pictures. In the end, I love anything that has to do with a form of self-expression. And being around people who create and add and color and think outside of the box really motivate me to keep going.

I fearfully (fearful of rejection that is....it is difficult to put out to the public these things you so love) created a Fiverr.com account to sell my personalized cards last year (even year 2012) and felt an immense pleasure in selling my first card.

Today, after much inspiration and careful guidance, I created an Etsy and Pinterest account to share more of these pictures and cards and really get it all going a bit more.

I am about to contact an illustrator who I recently met at one of these events in the hopes that he will help me continue Annabelle's story cause there is more to tell. I hope I can come across clearly, and I hope he can agree to do this. I hope. I hope in 2013.

And, as for my little Annabelle's Love, well she is doing just fine... Sales in November even year 2012 were slightly lower than sales in November odd year 2011, but sales are still taking place and everyone I meet along my Annabelle way still loves its message.

And what do you know.. February happens to host the day of love on the 14th, and it so happens Annabelle's Love is a love story so I will be promoting it a lot for all to remember where true love must start and always exist.

So you see here is my Lucky 2013... and here is one my favorite cards and here are my new links to visit, to like, to pin, to  shop from, to browse or to ignore.  Here it all is in this first blog of my Lucky 2013 odd year.

Jenny

http://www.etsy.com/shop/JustJennysLove

http://fiverr.com/jennyetc

http://pinterest.com/justjennyslove/