Inside my Heart

Don't you wish sometimes people could see inside your heart? Your mind say....?
I do. I do wish some people could see deep inside. They would know so much more.

They would know
how deeply sorry I am
how my intentions are sincere
how much regret I carry
how hard I am on myself
how much I fear being punished in the worst way
how I work very hard to be the person I should have been and want to be every single day
how I wish I could turn back time
how I wish I could have been that little girl who grew up with amazing role models
how I wish I could have known back then what I know now
how much sincere joy, happiness and health I wish many, especially those I have hurt and disappointed
how foolish I was and how I recognize this every single second
how my words actually mean what they say
how sometimes I wish I could let go of the memories and regrets but can't and probably never will
how I am a good person... I am.
how those who know me now may say...  I have a good heart.
how I am a person worth forgiving now
how deeply sorry I am
how deeply sorry I am
how deeply sorry I am.

I am not that person any more. I have never been that person. I was just a person who knew the difference between right and wrong and unfortunately and pathetically chose the wrong again and again.

I wish with my whole heart that sometimes people could see deep inside of me... then they would know.

jr
2013