I am a chest full of drawers.

Some drawers are open and are filled
with many this and thats
These are the top drawers that keep my life
in order and functioning
They may always need to be kept open, and they will
always be kept the tidiest
cause I can control these top
drawers
Like many others, I have compartmentalized these top drawers
into
teacher, student, writer, resident, housekeeper, citizen, sister, friend,daughter, ... you get the picture.

There are other drawers
that I attempt to seal,
but they defeat my attempts every time.
They will close after a while but refuse to seal themselves shut for life
and at times (when least expected) they open
and cause me discomfort and sometimes pain.

I want to control these drawers
and pretend they don't exist.
But no amount of tape or disregard
makes them disappear.

They are located at the very bottom of my chest and
somehow have become the foundation that supports the rest of drawers,
and it if it weren't for the discomfort
or pain they cause when opened,
I wouldn't so much mind them
at all.

But, the fact remains
I am a chest full of drawers
drawers that open and close at their will it seems
and I have no control over
them
not one bit.
so why kid myself

Couldn't sleep last night or this morning cause somethings were bugging me, and I couldn't help but think of these things in this way. Cause when you think about it-- when you really think about it, it makes sense. Our hearts are so big and available to feel so many things at the same time- love, admiration, sadness, contempt, anger...  And these emotions just pop up and appear without a head's up at all, leaving you knowing all over again ...

that you have no control over much regarding the heart.
(sad face)

My best then
 x
Jenny