This Love Has Got No Ceiling

This morning was my last morning in Avon, Colorado. As I looked out at the green, green mountains, I couldn't find the right words to complete this ...At that very exact moment, when I had nothing... this song came on... So, in the words of Eddie Vedder, I complete this blog, for he completed and filled in my blanks perfectly.

Comes the morning when I can feel
that there is nothing left to be concealed
moving on ....seems surreal
no, my heart will never
never be far from here



Sure as I'm breathing...Sure as I am sad
I'll keep this wisdom in my flesh
I leave here believing more than I have
and there is a reason I'll be... a reason I'll be back


As I walk the hemisphere, I got my wish to up and disappear
I've been wounded
I've been healed
now for landing I've been....for  landing I've been cleared


Sure as I'm breathing... Sure as I'm sad
I'll keep this wisdom in my flesh
I leave here believing more than I have


This Love Has Got No Ceiling

Take a look at the Love I had in mind...this is the reason I'll be back. I leave here believing more than I have.

Love,
me, Jenny

Things that make me queasy

Bad dreams.

Unexpected phone calls.

Long forms to complete.

Annabelle's smile on the last page.

Annabelle's shoes----would I have my own daughter in these shoes?

Cold calling.

These are the things that have occurred already this morning.

And they make me queasy- by definition, nauseated, filling ill in the stomach.

I had a bad dream involving all sorts of past demons...
 I was on a trip with my family and some other people I do not care to mention
and these people kept changing (one person came in replaced by another)
and no one seemed to care
about the fact that this trip
was set to promote this book, my book, my baby,

because in this dream only two books were published
and I had lost my publisher somehow.

I suppose I was looking for my publisher and
fighting off these
people/past demons?


Woke up to an unexpected phone call

 and then later realized I have a long form
to complete regarding front and back cover
and it involves me cold calling local
newpapers or book stores
to promote said book.

All of this in the midst of my trip
( Colorado trance
completely
dismissed by queasy things)

So, on this note... I'm off to tackle the Colorado River because
today we are rafting.

Suddenly, I am feeling ill in the stomach all over again-
queasy.

Love nonetheless,
Jenny
x

In a Colorado Trance

In short, I've been in a (as per dictionary) hypnotic, cataleptic, and/or ecstatic state.

I'm thinking it may be the elevation, maybe the fresh air???
 or the kind, most-patient locals, but most of all
I think
 it's just the grand beauty that I wake up to everyday so far.

It is lovely here.
And the people are super sweet; they seem truly sincere in fact.
And I'm just well,
taken
by it all.

I call it ...
 in a Colorado trance.
I wonder if this happens to all who visit.

Nevertheless...

This morning I wake up and realize I haven't heard from the editor and/or illustrator
and today is Kiss and Make Up Day so I should probably (being the Marriage Examiner and all ;) write an article about it somehow
and my book is being sent to the Beijing Book Fair and I haven't heard from them
either

sooooo I suppose the trance has come and gone.
But, I hope not because I prefer
smiling
over
frowning
or stressing
much much more.

So, I'm here then to send the appropriate emails to the appropriate people
and to submit this here blog
and then I'm off to

purposely place myself
back again
in this
trance.

In my short-lived Colorado Trance.

All my love,
Jenny
x

Leaving New Jersey behind.

So this evening I find myself in Avon, Colorado, and I've brought the laptop in case

I hear from the editor
I hear from the Newark Examiner
I get an idea I want to write about
I find a split second to work on my last Master's class of the summer
I need to email a friend
I need to need to check twitter or facebook

And all I'm thinking is what is wrong with me?

I am in beautiful, amazing-so-far Colorado where I all want to do is take a picture of this
and that
and somehow none of these pictures do this state justice because what I'm finding
is
I should've left this laptop at home
along with the concern about hearing from
the editor
the Newark Examiner
a friend
or other

along with the need to write in case I get an idea or
to work on my master's class cause that is just plain crazy

You see what I need to do during my stay is
seriously
seriously
seriously
leave New Jersey behind.

hmmmm...food for thought.
Let's see how well I can do that then.

All my love,
Jenny

do you see what I mean?

Some Words. Some Pennies. And Some Changes.

This is it. This is how my morning has turned out so far.

Some words.
 I have written some words on two different topics this week and received some sweet recognition from friends, family and even some strangers.

Some pennies.
These words have helped me to earn some serious money.
In fact, yesterday alone I earned
(wait, I'm checking my records to be correct) $2. 22!

I know! I know! Insane amounts of money.

Some changes.
This morning I received the SECOND layout of my book to be approved.
I'm happy with some of the changes.
And frustrated with the lack of others.
Either way I expressed my concerns with bold print in some areas again.

What's left?

Well, here is what's left.

These some words have blessed me with some pennies.
Pennies I am proud of to be honest because I know for the second time in my life (first time being when I walked into the classroom as a teacher/not a student)
 that I am doing something I have found to love e n t i r e l y----write.

And, what I need to remember time and time again is that writing..... will always involve
Some changes.

So, there. That's it. My thoughts for today in my Search for the Right Words.

All my best as always-
Jenny

Saint's Heart in a Sinner's Skin

Was introduced to this singer/songwriter named Sean McConnell a while back. And, for some reason his words have been repeating themselves over and over in my head on this rainy Sunday.  His lyrics, well, they are pretty right on and brilliant. I am going now to let Mr. McConnell then speak for me in this blog cause he says it perfectly when...

Woke up wasted with whiskey on my breath
I hate the taste of it, the day after regret
I got down on my knees, I said ‘God it’s me again
Don’t quit listening and don’t give up on me yet’


Yeah, I got the best of intentions, but the worst follow through
Sometimes when the night falls, it can cover up the truth
And there’s no excuse, except for everyone I made...
It goes on and on and on and on
Feel like I’m gonna break

This is me---- best of intentions but the worst follow through..... no excuses.. except for the ones I make.
I mean to do well but get all sorts of weak and mess it all up...

Have nothing really left to say except that these are the words I woke up to this morn... and they just seem to fit me. Don't intend to go on being weak. Just saying.

Just saying that's all.

My best----

Jenny
x

Taking it out on my teeth.

This morning and last night I found myself brushing fiercely against my poor innocent teeth. Minutes may have passed before I realized what I was doing. I thought I was brushing all along you know...brushing brushing..... but somehow what I was actually doing was scrubbing, scratching? like a mad woman.

I wondered what would make me do such things.

And, well, I concluded it was probably a mixture of life's daily frustrations, perhaps minor and major decisions I have made and continue to make, but most of all I think it's this book.

Yesterday I was emailed my first layout of book for approval, and I delayed (and I mean delayed) the inevitable of having to look it through page by page, line by line, letter by letter. Why?

Easy. I am nervous. I am nervous, and I am bit more nervous. I want to make sure it looks just right and my idea "the idea" I had from long ago isn't lost at all. Does Annabelle wear the right clothes?
What exact words should I write on the dedication page? Is that face there the right face?

And, really who do you turn to? Who do you ask for an opinion when all the words and pictures were formed by you  and you alone. No one else can approve or negate what you alone had in mind. So, you insanely then rely on yourself.

But, what if you got it all wrong? Worst yet- what if no one gets what you were trying to say in the first place? What if others think it silly and just plain ridiculous?

ugghh... I can torture myself to no end really.

You see then... why my poor teeth somehow pay the price for all my uneasiness, all my insecurities and all of my self-doubt.

I suppose I just have to go with my gut and hope my gut gives my teeth a break.  So, on this note I'm off to ice my teeth... nah, just kidding... they have survived these last attacks. ;)

Until tomorrow then.

Much love-
Jenny